There really is no way to prepare yourself for the loss of someone. Imagine that someone being the one who carried you for 9th months in their belly, taught you how to walk, fought with you about little things that only a mother and daughter relationship could understand. You can have a countless number of father figures in your life, but really as my mom always said, ” you only get one mom.”
I woke up on the morning of June 3rd to my father relaying to be the worst nightmare of my life. When he said we need to talk, its like my body knew exactly what he was going to say. The night before as I was driving home I thought about my mom. And its not like I never think about her, but just driving home her name popped up in my head.
The week of all the services etc. was the most overwhelming week. I was numb to the pain because of how many people I was surrounded with at all times. I didn’t have a chance to be alone, and if you know anyone who has lost someone close to them, being alone is the worst thing. After the crowds subsided and it was time to go back to ‘reality’ that is when the pain hit me. The pain I felt listening to her voicemails left on my phone, hearing her for the last time telling me that she loved me. I’ve saved those voicemails on every single thing I could think of so I would never loose them.
There are days when you just need your mom. Going off to college and not being able to call your mom about your day, your friends, boys etc. , its unimaginable. But loosing your mom makes you appreciate and love your father so much more than you ever had. Although my parents were divorced, they put their differences aside after some time and truly got along for the sake of us. Seeing my father cry while writing his Eulogy about my mom was painful. Maybe some questioned why my mom’s ex-husband would say one of her eulogies, but for those close to her we know how much my mother adored my father and appreciated his friendship and all he had done.
I’ll never have the person who is just like me in my life again. I’ll never have the person to dance with me in the kitchen to old 70’s music