Are You Mad Because He/She Ignores You?

3 min read

Can you relate to this story?  A woman tells her husband that she feels he is spending money on high tech stuff that is unnecessary, and they don’t have the money for it. He doesn’t listen, he does what he pleases. After years of this, she decides to retaliate, by buying expensive clothes.  And when he objects, she reminds him of his spending. So he sucks it up. Fast forward, she is now complaining of the fact that they are in financial ruin, but continues buying clothes, because she feels it’s her entitlement for being married for a husband who does what he wants.

This is what happens when you start off a relationship sweeping matters under the rug, rather than having awkward conversations.  It’s starts there and builds until one day, your relationship is no longer about trust and intimacy. It’s about resentment. In fact, the same people who have this secret battle in their marriage are your friends or neighbors that are boasting that they’ve been married for 28 years. Oh please!   Is that the kind of marriage you want?

This is why I urge you both to learn great COMMUNICATION skills in a relationship. Admit to yourself, that you don’t have GREAT communication and that learning is the best investment in your relationship.  It’s one thing to find the love of your life, then it’s another to maintain it with bad habits and bad communication strategies.  Be courageous.  Have the hard conversations.  Just learn how to have them responsibly. Below are some tips, but first let’s start with an illustration…

He leaves his dirty clothes on the floor and you are tired it.  You’ve left subtle hints, which he seems to ignore.  Notice the difference in the examples below.  One will cause him to be defensive and the other is a request that is not confrontational.

Don’t say: “I am tired of you being a pig!  Don’t you see your clothes on the ground?  Are you blind?  I am not your maid, pick up your own da** laundry.  If you don’t then I am going to stop (fill in the blank)”.

Instead say: “Honey, I want to bring up something that is bothering me.  I don’t like seeing your clothes on the floor.  I know I could pick them up, but then I don’t want to become a maid.  So, I would appreciate you making the effort to put your clothes in the hamper.  Can you do that for me?

Here are some guidelines:

  1. Don’t ignore the elephant in the room
  2. Notice your gut, if it doesn’t feel right, find a way to talk about it.
  3. Don’t use confrontation language
  4. Don’t accuse him or make it about him, personally
  5. Don’t make threats
  6. Instead of complaints, make requests
  7. If he still doesn’t listen, raise his awareness of how much this means to you.
  8. If he still doesn’t listen, start with the phrase “we need to talk“, and then go to a formal space to have the conversation

If you are a man reading this list, the same applies to your mate. If she doesn’t listen, get her attention.  Sit down and make it clear that this is something that is VERY important to you.
By the way, this is a two way street.  You should ask your partner, if there is something you have been doing, that he/she feels is creating a barrier to your love and trust for each other.

If this advice, helped you, a nice feedback would be to either click on the stars, or leave a comment.
Good luck!

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